It Was Not To Be 3

I zipped up and we each had another glass of white wine and in a few minutes Kevin and Rosemary returned from visiting the football field. We said our good night to the girls, and began to walk back to our own dorm. I was strangely silent. I really didn't want to talk about it. I felt I had failed in some way.

"So how was it?" asked Kevin. "Was it fantastic or what?"

"Yes," I said.

"That Lucilla looked like a real hot one. I'll have to try her myself some night."

"Okay," I said.

"You seem depressed." He looked at me. "Is anything wrong?"

"No. Of course not. I had a great time. Thanks for setting me up."

"You just don't seem very happy about it."

"I am. I am," I lied.

We got back to the room and began to undress for bed. I was going to get into my PJs, but it turned out that Kevin liked the freedom of sleeping in the nude. He was much faster than I was, and before I had even time enough to remove my socks, he was out of his clothes and standing there in his natural-born glory.

What I saw was jolting. I took in a big breath, or a gasp or something, which caught in my throat and choked me.

"What is it?" he asked me.

"Nothing," I said. "I swallowed wrong. That's all." But there was something terribly wrong. I had seen Kevin's body. I guess this must have been the first time in my life I had ever seen the naked body of a man. What I saw shocked and astounded me. My eyes were immediately drawn to the size of Kevin's cock and balls. They were enormous. The balls were pendulous and weighty. The cock dripped over them like a long fat lazy sausage. It was so beautiful. So masculine. It was what every man would have liked to have. I had nothing like that.

I had a little pencil-like penis, about one and a half inches long when erect. No wonder it had kept slipping out of Lucilla. It wasn't long enough to stay in, if I moved even an inch. And my balls were like two teeny plumb pits in the small sack beneath my penis. I was deformed. Kevin had a man's penis, but something had gone very wrong in my development. I had a baby dick and balls. I remembered Doctor Levine postulating that I was probably a late bloomer, but he had been wrong. I had never bloomed at all. I would go through life with a babydick. A dick that couldn't stay inside a woman. A dick that couldn't fuck. What kind of life was I to have? I could never get married and have a family. I realized that now. Why had my parents kept this hidden from me all these years? I was doomed to find out the truth someday, and I had found out the truth tonight. And I was in pain.

Now I understood why my father hadn't wanted me taking gym class. The other boys would have seen my tiny penis and laughed at me; and I, seeing their naked bodies and normal members in the locker room, would have known the truth, and spent a miserable adolescence. Oh, god! My life was over. I sat down on my bed in defeat, and tears began falling down my face.

"What is it, Sam? What's wrong?" Kevin asked me.

"Nothing. I think I just have a little headache. I'll be okay," I said. How could I tell him? I could never let him see me naked. I would be the campus joke. The campus disgrace. The campus freak. I took my pajamas down the hall to the men's room and changed in one of the stalls. Then I came back to my room and climbed into my own bed. I tried to fall asleep, but it was hard. Not only was I distressed with my own condition, but having seen my roommate's magnificent penis, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Why couldn't it have been mine? It was so perfectly formed. So beautiful. Long. Heavy. Pendulous. I wished that I could touch it. Balance the weight on my hand. Wrap my fingers around the amazing girth of it. Why couldn't it have been mine? I was in love with my roommate's perfect masculine package. I wanted it for myself. One way or the other. I wanted it for myself.

After that night, I never went out on another date. How could I? I devoted every spare moment to my studies, trying to lose myself in the writings of Locke and Hume. Kevin, on the other hand, had a very active dating and sex life, and he never failed to rhapsodize about it. But after a couple of months, he sort of settled on one particular girl, who was also an engineering student. Her name was Elizabeth, and she was very pretty, but I didn't think she was that nice, but I couldn't say anything like that to Kevin. He told me that he had made a pact with Elizabeth, that from now on he would not fuck any other women, and that upon their graduation they would get married. Lucky Elizabeth. She would have that beautiful set of cock and balls on Kevin all to herself for the rest of her days. She probably didn't even realize how very lucky she was. She could have fallen in love with me. Mr. Babydick.

Kevin kept asking me why I wasn't dating, and I just kept telling him I was too busy studying. We were both in the same Economics class. Economics 101.

I was doing really well, but poor Kevin just couldn't comprehend the complicated concepts of higher finance. Then we got an assignment to do a midterm paper, and Kevin really freaked out. "Oh, fuck. I'm gonna bust this course and ruin my average," he moaned.

I wrote my paper with little difficulty, while he sat at his own desk in front of the computer screen with the title of his thesis displayed on the screen. "The hard dollar - Good for imports." There was nothing below the title. He sat and he fretted for two hours. He typed a line. Then he deleted it. He typed another line. Delete. It was painful to watch. "Oh, fuck. I'm gonna fail Economics. I'm gonna get kicked out of school," he wailed.

"I'll write your paper for you," I told him.

"You will?" he asked.

"Yes," I said. "We're friends. It's only right that I should help you."

"What a great roommate, I've got," he extolled. "What a pal!"

Needless to say Kevin got an A on his paper, as did I on mine. From that moment on we were so close. I don't think I've ever had a friend I cared about as much as I cared about Kevin. And he seemed to feel the same way about me.

Then one night he started on me. "I'm worried about you," he told me. "You never date. You have no girlfriends. What do you do for sex?"

"Nothing," I said. "It really doesn't interest me."

"Oh, sure," he said. "I saw how hot to trot you were that night with Lucilla, and then you acted so funny later on. What happened? Couldn't you get it up?"

"I got it up," I said.

"Then what?"

And now I started to cry. I sat down on the edge of my bed and wept into my hands.

"What is it, Sam? For Christ sake you can tell me."

"No I can't," I bawled.

"Yes, you can. Now what is it? What's wrong?'

"I'm not normal. I can never fuck a girl. Nevernevernever."

"Why not?" he asked. "I don't understand."

"This is why not," I said almost angrily, and stood up. I opened my belt and my pants button, and drew down my zipper. I eased my pants and underwear down my legs exposing my hideous disfigurement to him.

"Oh, Sam," he said. "I'm so sorry."

I just kept crying.

"When I tried to fuck Lucilla, it wouldn't even stay in. It's only an inch and a half long, and about as thick as a lipstick."

"Poor Sam. Sex is so incredible. Isn't there anything they can do?"

"No," I said. "I just never developed. It's too late."

"But you can get a hard-on?"

"Yes," I answered.

"I know you're gonna get mad at me, but in a way it's kind of cute."

"CUTE?" I snarled.

"Don't get mad," he said. "I knew you were gonna get mad. But it's kind of cute. Kind of pretty. I don't like looking at other guys with their big gross equipment, but yours is kind of attractive. Kind of like it was on a little doll. You could at least get sucked off. A girl could keep it in her mouth."

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written by kickyn