Self Realization

Jeremy's jeep climbed up the rocky, rut-filled mountain road with seeming self-determination. It had been a long spring semester at Tech. His first year had been filled with a lot of emotional strain and academic pressure as a result of performance expectations from his family. A two week rest of solitude and quiet would be a welcome relief before he had to start his summer job. After having just completed the most grueling mental performance of his life, fishing, relaxing, and climbing the high country were eagerly anticipated activities. Jeremy's cousin and good friend Larry would spend part of the last week with him and by then Jeremy was sure he would welcome him.

As he shifted the jeep into four-wheel drive and began the last quarter-mile ascent toward his uncle's cabin, he noticed that construction had begun on a new cabin at a fork in the trail that passed for a road. His jeep crawled forward slowly because of the roughness of the trail; but his slow speed permitted him to glance frequently at the two fellows, about his age, that were building the new cabin. Neither had shirts and both wore shorts over well-tanned, well-proportioned bodies, which made a strong impression on Jeremy, for some reason. He had to grab the wheel of his jeep hard to keep it from being pulled to one side after a front tire climbed over a large rock in the road.

The better part of the afternoon was spent unlocking the doors and shutters of his uncle's cabin, walking up the hill to the pump house to get the water flowing, unloading his gear and groceries for his stay, and getting some firewood into the tinder box. The chill of late afternoon was beginning to set in. He started a small fire in the wood stove. Then he went outside to the front porch, which was elevated on poles firmly anchored to the downward-sloping mountain.

Though he had seen it many times, he was still mesmerized by the beauty of the location, the unobstructed view from the porch of the wide valley filled with trees and meadows, the sounds in the quiet, the forest filling his senses. His ears heard the birds' evening calls and the wind rustling through the pines. Even the intruding pop of the nail gun at the new cabin down the mountainside was muffled to a great extent by the dense shrubs, evergreens, and aspens that predominated in this environment.

Jeremy was seldom able to come to his uncle's place unaccompanied by others of his family. He relished the time alone, and when alone, he enjoyed being nude. He felt closer to nature when naked. He decided to strip, and as he did so, he felt the cool evening air bathe his skin. "A natural naturist," he thought and smiled as he slipped his jockey shorts down over his smooth, lanky legs. He stepped out of them. The cool, fresh air passed almost breathlessly over his sexual organs and exposed buttocks. Typical of the three or four times in the past that he had been able to undress on his uncle's porch, he began to feel the familiar signs of sexual arousal. He didn't know why he always had the same reaction. As his cock elongated, exposing more of the sensitive skin around its head, the cool evening air enveloped it, enhancing his arousal.

His cock grew to full hard extension, throbbing as it strained toward the roof of the porch. Jeremy was so taken by the feeling of being naked in nature, alone and sexually aroused, he didn't notice that the pop of the nail gun had stopped. He didn't hear the rustling in the brush. He just closed his eyes, relishing each sensation.

After some moments had passed, he opened his eyes. A guy was standing in front of and below the raised porch, staring up at him, speechless, clutching a finger. Jeremy flushed with embarrassment, gathered enough wit to reach down for his shorts and covered at least a bit of himself, then stammered, "What are you doing here?". Jeremy knew the fella from down the road had seen his erection.

"I saw you drive up this way while I was working on the cabin down below." Wendel replied. "My partner left a couple hours ago. He went to town to be with his fiancee for the weekend. I shot a nail into my finger, and wanted to see if you had any first-aid stuff," he continued. "I didn't mean to surprise you, I'm sorry."

Jeremy's erection had subsided. He stepped into his jockey shorts. Under the circumstances, modesty seemed superfluous.

"Sorry," Jeremy said. "Sure, I bet my uncle has bandages and stuff in here. Come on in. My name is Jeremy. What's yours?"

"Wendel- Wendel Dalton" He walked up the steps to the porch and followed Jeremy into the bathroom of his uncle's cabin. The wood stove had taken the chill off the air inside. Wendel, in shorts and shoes, didn't have on much more clothing than Jeremy. At the sink, Wendel had his punctured finger wrapped tightly with his right hand to keep it from bleeding too much. Jeremy turned the water on and removed Wendel's other hand to look at the injured finger.

"Wow. You really have a pretty bad wound. You better wash it good. I'll look for the disinfectant."

Wendel began cleansing the wound. Jeremy opened the medicine chest and found some bandages and antibiotic salve, but no disinfectant. He stooped to look into the cabinet under the sink. Wendel stepped back a bit to give him room and then moved forward after the door was opened to put his finger back under the running water.

Their bodies touched at this point. Wendel's bare legs were rubbing against Jeremy's shoulders and torso as he rummaged though the many bottles under the sink. The naked skin of Wendel's legs against Jeremy's naked torso skin sent strange sensations through Jeremy. He was not used to being in intimate contact with another male. He knew he was not attracted much to girls even though all through high school girls tried to date him. He had even wondered if he was gay, but the physical sensations now running though Jeremy brought back a vivid memory.

He was thirteen. He and his cousin Larry were both sleeping in a tent in Jeremy's back yard. When Jeremy came back into the tent after taking a leak, Larry surprised him by reaching up and pulling his jockey shorts down. Startled, Jeremy reached down to pull them up, but his cousin grabbed him and pulled him down onto the sleeping bags.

A wrestling match started. Jeremy's legs were caught up in his jockey shorts, giving Jeremy a handicap. Larry, who was a little older and bigger, was quickly behind Jeremy, wrapping his legs around him and pinning Jeremy's arms behind his back. With his free hand, Larry began to prod and tease Jeremy. He quickly discovered with his hand that Jeremy had an erection. To Jeremy's surprise, Larry did not remove his hand from his small, stiff pubescent penis, but instead began fondling Jeremy.

Jeremy's resistance melted into acquiescence. Curious, he lay back and enjoyed what Larry was doing. The mere presence of someone else's hand on his sexuality, the sliding of the skin up and down on his small hard cock, created new and pleasant sensations Jeremy had never felt before. He didn't want to discourage them, and he surely didn't want them to stop.

When Larry's mouth enveloped his maleness, Jeremy thought he would simply explode. As Larry climbed over Jeremy, still keeping his adolescent cock in his mouth, Jeremy could feel Larry's larger cock pushing on his lips. Jeremy's lips parted and Larry's circumcised maleness slid into Jeremy's mouth. He tried to mimic what Larry was doing to him. Exotic sensations poured into Jeremy's mind. He had not experienced such feelings before.

Larry came closer to climax with each thrust into Jeremy's willing mouth. Larry reached behind Jeremy with his hand and began prodding his anal sphincter with his fingers. He could feel Jeremy's small, firm butt thrust tentatively up and down against his partially penetrating fingers. Jeremy kept thrusting his hips forward trying to penetrate more deeply into Larry's mouth.

The sensations of Larry's fingers in his ass and his cock sliding in and out of Larry's warm moist mouth were nearly overwhelming. Sounds like whines came from Jeremy's throat. The moans told Larry that they were both approaching climax. Jeremy reached behind to touch Larry's butthole to mimic what was being done to him. It was all Larry could handle. He climaxed. Semen began spurting into Jeremy's mouth. The salty, pungent taste in his mouth brought Jeremy to climax. He was still too young to shoot sperm and seminal fluids, but nevertheless he felt bathed in sensual explosions he had never experienced. His young body shuddered through its first climax.

He melted in Larry's arms with wonderful, pleasant, feelings . It had been like shooting stars, or rockets on the fourth of July. As the sensations subsided, he felt a kind of regret at their loss. This was a taste of something he knew he wanted to taste again.

That had been five years ago. At eighteen, Jeremy was now an adult. Wendel was washing his finger at the sink. The water was running and Wendel's leg was in contact with Jeremy's side. As Jeremy searched for a disinfectant under the sink Wendel's touch was causing him to become aroused again. Jeremy moved some bottles aside, saw a familiar one, and retrieved the alcohol.

He stood and pulled the waistband of his undershorts to one side to keep his swollen erection from poking through the fly. Wendel had noticed this new erection, but not wanting to embarrass Jeremy again, acted as though he hadn't. Jeremy, however, furtively glanced at Wendel's crotch and thought he saw a swelling. Jeremy flushed as he wondered if Wendel had been watching him while he rummaged in the cabinet under the sink.

He handed the bottle to Wendel, who applied some alcohol to his wound, cursed and sucked in air from the pain it caused. Jeremy could almost feel the pain himself. He took the antibiotic salve from the medicine chest and gently treated the wound. As Jeremy faced Wendel to put on the salve, he realized he had been right. The swelling he'd seen in Wendel's shorts earlier was no longer there. The pain caused by the alcohol must have distracted Wendel from arousal.

The nail had not penetrated both sides of the finger. The chance of infection was lessened because it had bled thoroughly. Jeremy dressed it, wrapping the bandage tightly to stop the bleeding. Then Jeremy asked Wendel to stay for a few minutes, and offered to make coffee. "I'll need to loosen the bandage after awhile. It's not good to have the circulation cut off all night," he said.

Wendel assented, and while the coffee was brewing, Jeremy went to the porch to put the rest of his clothes on, then returned inside. "You don't have to get dressed on my account," Wendel said. Jeremy flushed a bit because he was still embarrassed by the circumstances of their initial meeting.

"I am sorry about- earlier" Jeremy said. "I don't know why that happens. Almost every time I get naked up here I get a hard-on," Jeremy stammered.

"Forget it," Wendel replied, "I've seen guys naked with erections before. No big deal. I'm sorry I surprised you like that. I just needed help with my finger. Besides, you've got nothing to be ashamed of. You're a good- looking guy, clothed, naked or aroused." Wendel smiled. Jeremy blushed, stammered, and got up to see if the coffee was done.

As they sat drinking coffee Wendel told Jeremy about himself: from Odessa, Texas; out of a job in the oil fields because of a slump in the industry; grateful to his friend for the work and income building the cabin below. At 18, he had lived on his own, away from his mother and abusive father, for three years now. Being out of work was tough. He and his partner were living in a small tent by the construction site to save money.

The more he talked the more Jeremy's eyes fixed on Wendel's face, the dimples at the ends of his smile, the ruddy yet tender features. He had a genuine and pleasing tone of voice. He seemed like a sincere, intelligent, honest, and typical "country-boy" personality to Jeremy.

Jeremy added a bit about himself during the conversation. This was his uncle's cabin. He was taking a well-deserved rest from his first hectic year at college. As they talked, a familiarity and friendliness grew between them. Conversation became easy, punctuated by occasional laughter. Jeremy suggested Wendel stay for supper. It would be modest, sandwiches and chips, but Wendel wouldn't have to move a finger, so to speak.

Once again Wendel assented. As he stood, his lanky body was elevated to its full and imposing stature. "I need to go down to the job site while it's still light to put up the tools in case it rains. I'll be back in a bit, OK?"

"Sure. Food'll just take a few minutes."

As the porch door slammed shut, Jeremy was left with his thoughts. He began to make the sandwiches. Although he had expected to be alone up here at the cabin, he was unexpectedly happy with the company. Vague but persistent feelings of portent and excitement arose within him. He felt that certain unforeseeable but inevitable events would happen in their developing friendship.

Fifteen minutes had passed. The chips were in a serving bowl, dip beside. Jeremy covered the sandwiches with plastic wrap. He was for some reason excited about his new friendship, and these few minutes seemed to stretch almost to the breaking point. He walked to the other side of the room, picked up kindling and small split logs, and arranged them in the fireplace for later. Why was he so excited? How was Wendel any different from other guys he knew?

Wendel entered the door in a loose fitting sweater, sniffed, and inhaled deeply of the aroma. "Coffee smells good". Jeremy smiled, poured a cup for them both, and sat at the table to eat. Wendel followed the lead.

As they ate, they talked casually about their lives, each enjoying learning about the other. "I had a lot of fights in school because I was a loner" Wendel said. "I didn't follow the crowd, I was pretty much an independent person."

"I've never been in a fight," Jeremy responded. "I guess I'm just too shy. I've always pretty much avoided the tough guys. In high school, they called me faggot once. It made me mad, but I just walked away."

Wendel stared at Jeremy for a few moments, then continued with more details of his life. "My father never did much to direct me toward college. He never had any, and he didn't see much sense in me or my older brother going. He didn't much care about us anyway."

Jeremy told Wendel that he had never considered NOT going to college. His parents' expectations for him had been deeply impressed upon him since as early as he could remember. It was a pressure he resented occasionally. Go to college, get married to a nice girl, have kids: grandkids. He sometimes felt he was being forcibly stuffed and compressed into a mold of his parents' creation, a mold he did not fit: a mold that contorted and distorted his true being, whatever that was.

After his third cup of coffee, Jeremy excused himself to piss. He stepped out on his uncle's front porch. Wendel followed, explaining the same need. As Jeremy pissed he noticed motion from the edge of his vision, looked at Wendel, and saw that he was trying gamely but awkwardly to open the button-fly on his shorts, impeded by his stiffly-bandaged and sensitive finger. Jeremy was about to offer help just as Wendel managed to get it open. Wendel pulled out his dick. Soft, it was a little bigger than Jeremy's. Probably bigger hard too, Jeremy thought. Wendel caught Jeremy watching. "Just thought you might need some help," Jeremy said, a little nervous. After they were both done pissing, Wendel didn't try to button his fly again with his bandaged finger. "Too much trouble to undo," he said to Jeremy. "I'll just leave it open for next time." He smiled.

Jeremy suggested they take some coffee to the couch and light the fire. Their friendship warmed in front of the fire, and in easy conversation time slipped away. It was near midnight when Jeremy finally yawned. Wendel, who had taken his sweater off to relieve the heat from the fire, stood up.

"You'd better loosen this bandage now, Jeremy, and then I guess I better get going" he said stretching his arms high above his lanky frame, causing his underwear to protrude from his unbuttoned fly.

Jeremy's eyes were fixed on Wendel's frame as he moved close to reach his hand. Jeremy carefully unrolled and rerolled the bandage to allow freer blood flow. "Wendel, you should stay here tonight. If you bang that in your sleep and it starts to bleed again, I may have to tighten the dressing. My uncle has a spare bedroom and I can fix the bed up easy."

Wendel agreed, and within 15 minutes they were both in their rooms. Jeremy fell quickly to sleep. Wendel's finger started to throb now that the pressure had been released on the bandage. Within an hour he was up and rummaging through the medicine chest looking for some aspirin.

He was in pain, and his hands were clumsy. The plastic aspirin bottle rattled as it dropped into the sink, waking Jeremy, who quickly came into the bathroom. His cock was partly hard from a sleep induced erection. Wendel noticed, but his finger was hurting too much to be interested in sex right now. Jeremy opened the bottle of aspirin for him and suggested they go to the kitchen and get a shot of whiskey to help Wendel sleep. It took three shots before Wendel thought he might be able to sleep. They each went to their rooms and climbed back into bed.

In a few minutes Wendel's finger felt better. The alcohol had relaxed his body and loosened his mind, the focus of both turning toward his midsection. He was horny. He was very horny. His thoughts turned to Jeremy. He rose from the bed and removed his jockey shorts. His growing erection was exposed. He walked toward Jeremy's room, emboldened by the whiskey. The steady breathing of Jeremy's sleep was audible to Wendel as he entered his room.

He sat gently on Jeremy's bed so as not to wake him, lifted the covers and slid under them next to him. Jeremy groaned a few times. Wendel was afraid he'd awakened him, but after pausing for a bit Jeremy fell back into his deep sleep. Wendel began to carefully slide Jeremy's jockey shorts down his legs, excited by the feel of the full, firm roundness of his ass. He began to gently massage the crack between his ass, occasionally braving greater penetration with his fingers. His hand slid up and down very softly and gently. Finally Jeremy, still asleep, rolled over and onto his back. His dick was erect. Wendel lifted carefully the jockey shorts over the erection and then began to lower his head to engulf the 18-year-old's sleeping hard-on. Jeremy suddenly awoke but did not move. He froze. Sensations rushed into his brain. They shocked him, but this felt great, even better than when his cousin Larry had done this to him five years ago. Jeremy's mind was on fire. A lot of him said "NO!" to what Wendel was doing to him, yet it felt so good, so natural. As he lay almost in a dream-like trance he felt himself sinking into a deeply fulfilling surrender.

As Wendel's head moved up and down he first felt Jeremy's body stiffen, and thought he might have awakened. After a few seconds, Jeremy began to slightly and tentatively thrust his waist to meet Wendel's bobbing head. Wendel sensed Jeremy's change from, what?- restrained permission?- to active enjoyment.

Jeremy surrendered not only his body at that time, but also a deep piece of himself, a part of his being. Vague thoughts and feelings he'd had for years now began to crystallize, to come into focus. He realized there would be no girlfriend, no wife and kids for him. He knew at that moment with the impact of a jackhammer to the brain, that he was gay.

Tears began to stream from his eyes and down his face at the realization. He knew a lot of people thought homosexuality was wrong. He had even agreed with them at one point. But he also knew this type of sex felt right when he was thirteen, and he knew now it was still right for him as an adult at eighteen. It was what he wanted, it was a part of him.

His mind was full to overflowing. He couldn't possibly be fully aware of all the thoughts and emotions that swirled like a hurricane within him at that moment. He couldn't work through them all, sort them out, analyze, draw conclusions. Not now. It might take months or years. Wendel, an incredibly attractive guy, was sucking his dick, right now. The sensations were immediate and overpowering. He could not restrain himself or redirect his attention. He pulled Wendel's lanky form up to him and slowly slid Wendel's raging erection into his mouth.

In a few minutes Wendel extracted himself from Jeremy's mouth, and positioned Jeremy in a kneeling position on the bed. Quickly retrieving mineral oil from the bathroom and lubricating his dick, he placed its head against Jeremy's anal sphincter. Jeremy groaned as Wendel pushed until the head of his raging erection penetrated. Jeremy sucked in air in response to the pain. Wendel stopped thrusting and began to massage Jeremy's upper legs, buttocks, and lower back, relaxing him. Then Wendel penetrated a little deeper. With each expression of pain from Jeremy, a period of relaxation followed until Jeremy had all seven-and-one-half inches in him. Then Wendel slowly slid out and started back in. Jeremy groaned, but this time mostly in pleasure. The sensation was new to him and beyond description. Wendel pulled out, then rolled Jeremy over on his back and lifted Jeremy's smooth-skinned legs to his shoulders, exposing Jeremy's rosebud hole to his eager, straining penis. There was little pain as he entered Jeremy this time. The repeating sensations of Wendel's erection sliding up to and over Jeremy's prostate gland inside his body put Jeremy's consciousness in orbit, in space.

Moans and groans, sensations of pure pleasure erupted from Jeremy's mouth with each stroke. It was finally more than Wendel or Jeremy could stand. Wendel began exploding deep within Jeremy and Jeremy erupted with explosions of semen from his organ spurting out with great force, across his abdomen, one spurt splattering his lips. He licked it off.

They both slept soundly in Jeremy's bed. The next morning Jeremy woke first, got up quietly and made coffee. He heard a yawn and the creak of the wooden bed frame as Wendel tensed his muscles and stretched his limbs. Jeremy entered the bedroom and smiled at Wendel, who smiled in response and jumped out of bed with a morning erection. "Coffee! Smells good." Jeremy looked at and admired his new friend's tool openly, no longer hesitant or in the least embarrassed. Wendel shifted his pelvis forward, moving the head of his dick menacingly toward Jeremy. Jeremy laughed. "Want to help me make the bed?"

"Sure." They brought the sheet, then the blanket and quilt, to the head of the bed. They each grabbed a pillow from the floor and tossed it against the headboard of the bed. Then Wendel suddenly stopped, staring at the headboard. Jeremy looked also and saw, on the beautifully-figured burl-veneer center panel of the headboard, a large splat of dried cum. They looked at each other and laughed. "I'll clean it up," Jeremy voiced.

"No, don't," countered Wendel. "It's a souvenir from last night. Leave it for now." Jeremy looked at Wendel and again laughed. They went to the kitchen for coffee.

They didn't bother to get dressed. As the day progressed, they were happy to be alone together on the mountain. Wendel's finger felt better. The weekend seemed to stretch before them, long and wonderful.

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written by anonymous