It Should Have Been Love

"8 o'clock, time to wake up!" I heard my mother calling from downstairs.

If your life in any way looks like mine, you probably just wanna stay in bed and sleep until everything's a bit more interesting, until there'll be something you actually wanna wake up for. But yeah, it was 8 o'clock and I had to be in school at 9. So no choice to me!

Oh yeah, let me introduce myself first, I'm Ryan, I'm 21 and in my first year of college. I know 21 isn't supposed to be an age to be in your first year of college, but I've been somewhat uncertain of what I was going to do with my life.

So, what else is there to know about me? Well let's see, an important thing is that I'm still single! People around me are always telling me it's so weird, because I'm pretty cute (so they told me, I really don't think so) and since there are many girls wanting to go out with me, they think I'm pretty damn crazy not accepting them.

Well, I guess I'm just a picky kind of guy. I always pictured this perfect relationship, where I would meet someone and instantly fall in love.

Hehe, that didn't happen, at least not yet, I hope... Ok, there's something else that's pretty important I forgot, I kinda like guys too!

But of course being a guy like me, I can't tell anyone about it, picture this when this great athlete tells that he likes guys, not gonna happen :) So, back to school I guess, what caused me to be freshman at a new school? A guy did!

Well, I fell in love, deeply in love, but the feeling wasn't really mutual. Well, at first it was, but it just wasn't meant to be I guess.

I couldn't stay in the same place as him though, so that's why I'm here! A new school, a new start!

I quickly got into the shower, I was already running late! First few days were kinda hard for me, but now that a few months have passed, everything is finally getting in order.

I met some great people, including Ashley, a beautiful girl I madly have the hots for! But so far, she doesn't seem to be interested in me.

I guess I should tell you about my best friend Ben too! We were in pretty much all the same classes and started to hang out a lot together!

A cool thing about Ben is that he is openly gay, but he doesn't know about me! Next to him, no one would think I liked guys too.

But Ben is really great! I thought about telling him, but every time I wanted to, I didn't go through with it, but I was gonna tell him someday!

He's my best friend, so I can't keep this from him, since we promised each other to be honest! Well, I never lied to him, I just haven't told him everything yet!

I got on my bike, hurrying myself off to school! I knew Ben was waiting for me, so I couldn't be late :) He was gonna tell me about his boyfriend today, yeah Ben has a boyfriend for almost 3 years now! So no chance Ben and me getting hookep up!

He told me yesterday on the phone he wanted to talk to me, guess he had some issues and since he's always there for me, I wanted to return the favor.

I saw him sitting on the porch of his house and greeted him! Damn, he really was cute :)) Not really my kind of guy, because I liked blond guys, actually I still prefer girls, but those blond guys... well wouldn't mind having one of my own :) But Ben is different, he's got something that I like so much! I feel like I can tell him everything (well, not really everything yet) and he has this thing he does when he's really nervous and shy, he doesn't look you in the eyes. He's so cute when he does that!

"Hey Ben, you gonna go to school today, or are you just gonna sit there all day?" I said.

"Hi Ryan, how you doing today? Well, you're actually on time once!"

Ben was right, I guess, but hey when he wanted me to be on time, I'm there!

"Sure, you seemed pretty serious on the phone yesterday! So talk to me!"

"Well, you know how things are going a bit difficult lately between me and Tom?"

"Yeah, but you told me you guys were gonna talk and spend some time together."

"I know, but it's just... sometimes I feel like we're just not right for each other..." he paused.

I could see this wasn't easy for him, so I just wanted to be the friend he needed right now!

"Hey Ben, you know what I always do when I'm not feeling great?" I asked.

"What? Moving to different state and start a new life?" he joked.

"That's the first time I hear that! No man, I'm serious. I just go walking down the beach and tell my best friend all about my problems."

I continued, "And hey, if you wanna talk, I can be that friend! So what do you say? Let's skip school today and hang out!"

"You're sweet Ryan! I'd really like that!"

I waited for him to take his bike from the garage, so we could head off to the beach, or wherever he wanted to go...

It took him quite a while, but I wasn't going anywhere without him, so I could wait! He finally showed up, putting some food in his backpack.

"Here I am, this way we won't get starved. Who knows where you gonna take me." he said.

"Hey man, today's your day. You can decide where we go to, I'm just here to be the best friend I can be." I smiled.

So we took off together, pretending to go to school. Well, his mom was watching so we couldn't tell her!

The beach wasn't that far away, but we had to pace ourselves, because lots of students from class take this road and Ben told me he didn't want to talk to them, explaining why we weren't gonna go to school.

It took us about half an hour to get there, where normally it should have taken us less than 10 minutes.

"Well, I can say that this is the slowest ride ever to get to the beach!" I joked.

"I know, but it's just... I don't wanna explain to anyone..." he said.

"It's ok Ben, I understand! Love can be a very tough thing to deal with! Trust me, I know!"

"Yeah, I suppose so... It's Tom! He's been acting so weird lately! For example, he thinks it's wrong for you and me to hang out so much."

"Well, maybe he's a bit jealous or something. But hey, that only means that he cares for you!" I told him.

"You could be right, but I told him so many times that we are just friends Ryan, I mean how could there be anything more than that!"

"Yeah, how could there be..." I said.

"I mean, not that you're not cute or something, because believe me, you are! It's just you're straight and I'm gay!" he said.

I just sat there for a moment, then looked at him and just smiled. If only he knew! We talked some more about him and Tom and I think he kinda felt better now... I mean, just being able to tell how he felt. He decided to have a long talk with Tom and I told him everything would end up ok.

Then all of a sudden...

"Hey Ryan, can I ask you something?" Ben said.

"Sure, you can! You've been talking all time, time for me to share I guess." I joked.

"Well, it's just that well..." he said.

"It's what?" I didn't know where he was going.

"Well, you know when I told you about me being gay and you being straight. You were very quiet then. I don't know if it means something..." he explained.

"Funny you should mention that, I know I was quiet. Just thinking a bit I guess."

"Thinking? About what then?" Ben didn't understand.

That would have been the perfect moment to tell him, but I just couldn't :(( Instead I made up a stupid excuse about how I thought he was lucky to actually have someone he could complain about. I was till all alone!

"What about Ashley then? Didn't you like her?" he asked.

"Yeah I do, she's great! But she hasn't really noticed me, has she?" I joked again.

"We could do something about that! I mean, just talk to her!" he told me.

"Well maybe, I just don't know if she's really what I want..."

Become a Patreon to support Taletopia!

written by ryancotey