I didn't know I loved him

How do I start this my true tale of my first sexual encounter? It is not filled with hot sex scenes of the best sex in the world. It occurred in a time when the worst thing that a teenage boy could be labeled with was being "gay". If someone wanted to insult you, they would call you a queer. If you were homosexual or had those attractions, you were less of a man. This was true in our high school that had a high number of red necks.

It was my junior year. I was sexually ignorant. I knew what made babies. I had seen pictures of naked girls a few times, but I was so naive. I had never even masturbated to orgasm.

Mike was assigned to be my duet acting partner. He was short, 5'3" short and that was as tall as he was going to be. His eyes were a dark brown and his dark hair was as straight as straight could be.

Our first mating dance occurred the night of our first duet acting tournament. We had advanced to the semi final round and would have to come back the next morning-a Saturday. Mike had invited me to spend the night at his house so that I could drive us both the next day. He could not yet drive. It was late and his parents were asleep when we got to his house in a nice upper middle-class neighborhood (I lived out in the country with no neighbors). In his room there was his bed with a trundle bed pulled out for me. He informed me that he slept naked. I told him I would sleep the same way. We tried to catch glances of each other's body as we undressed.

Though short, his body was that of a gymnast. He had muscles and cut pecks with medium size nipples. The only hair I saw on him was the dark bush around his penis which was the same size as mine. Now I had strong muscular legs but my chest looked more like that of a mere boy. There was no definition. It was flat all the way down with my light brown bush surrounding my penis and a few hairs on the flat chest of mine.

We climbed into our beds. We talked about being naked and walking around in the country with no clothes on which I did. I would go in the woods where there was no one and strip naked with a huge hard on swinging in the air. He claimed that he and a girl had stripped naked and went walking hand in hand. I think that he made it up. We talked about sex after that and wanting to do it. We both admitted that we were virgins. I suggested that we should learn together how to make out, French kiss and such so that when we finally got with a girl we would be good at it.

The topic changed. Somehow we talked about how his brother messed up their bathroom, and he had to clean it up. We both decided to go investigate this. I was in front and he behind me. Half way there, I turned around. Both of us were standing 7 inches from each other. How do I know, both of our dicks were hard. Mine is 7 inches and it was just above his and touching him and his was just below mine and touching me. They were both thick and long. We stood looking at each other.

I grabbed both of our cocks that were already touching. They were both so very hard. I didn't know what to do. There was Mike naked in front of me and me in front of him. I had this overwhelming desire to fall to my knees and take his hard tool into my mouth. I so wanted to suck him and taste my first dick. If I went first and he was repelled by it and then told everyone that I was a "fag", my life would have been ruined. I could not bear being made an outcast, mocked and most likely beaten. In fear of not knowing how he would react, I turned and fled into the bathroom with Mike in toe. I stood in the tub naked as he sat on the toilet talking. As we finished in there, I asked if he wanted to stand in the tub with me. He said no.

We went back to the beds. I tried again and asked if I could come lay up next to him to see if his bed was better than mine. He said no. I so wanted him to touch me. I wanted to take his hand and guide it to my erection for him to feel. It did not happen but he talked of his sexual fantasy which was doing it "69" style. He never said if it was with a boy or girl.

I told him that I had never jerked off. He lied to me and said that he had never had either. I suggested that we learn how together. He said no.

I later was to discover the reason for his unwillingness that night. It had been over the last summer that he and Tom (a chubby boy with red hair and not very cute) were together and they were caught masturbating each other. Mike's parents who were Catholic and believed homosexuality was a horrible, awful thing had punished him severely. As part of their effort to make their son "normal" his dad had told him he could come and look at his "Playboys" at any time.

In the morning, the alarm did not go off. I had hoped that we would have had to have jumped in the shower together. I wanted us to wash each other. I suggested that we shower together. He said no, we had to hurry to make it. There wasn't time to shower together. If we had been caught, he would have had hell to pay. We got there early to the tournament. We won second that Saturday.

A week later I tried again. It was after school. We had to rehearse our scene. It was just me and him. There was so much sexual tension between us. You could feel it in the air. I asked him if he wanted to go off campus to go get a coke or something to drink. He said no. I stepped into an area where no one could see me from the hallway. I pulled out my hard dick and waved it at him. The punishment was still very fresh in his mind from the last time he was caught. His parents were going to make him sure nothing happened again. He said that his parent had forbade him from leaving campus and a teacher at the school had to take him home. If he left the room, he would get into trouble. He could go nowhere with me.

I invited him to spend the night at my house a number of times but his parents would not let him spend the night at someone else's house. In the months that went by, he did ask to see my ass and cock when we were alone on a bus waiting to go home after a tournament. I asked to see his dick after showing mine but he refused to let me see his. I was disappointed. He did not want me to see his erection. We could not let anyone know what we felt.

The school year went by and I did not try anything more. At the beginning of the next school year, he invited me to spend the night after a tournament. We were no longer duet partners. I still wanted him. I had decided that I would strip naked for him as we would both be naked when we went to bed. I would dance naked and then see if he had an erection and planned to climb on top of him and sit on him so my crack would his dick resting in the middle.

When we got to his place, his parents were not home. He stripped naked quickly and jumped in bed but not me. I did a strip dance for him. I was swaying and dancing as I sexily removed my clothes tossing them away as I removed each piece slowly. I finally took my underwear off and threw it across the room. Then I started slowly at first but then built up speed as I made my dick swing back and forth as it would flap against my stomach and then swing down and then back up hardening as I went. I looked over to see if Mike was hard. I could not tell because he had covered up and had both of his hands-on top of his penis. I wanted to feel that cock between my crack but could not make that happen if his hands were in the way.

I went to plan B and crawled on to his bed (he had set the beds up that I would have to crawl over him naked to get to my bed. It was the only way I could reach it). I crawled on to his bed and towered over him with my big, fat dick only a centimeter from his mouth and said, "I dare you to suck it." He shook his head no. I went to my bed next to his.

Now I remembered my clothes were all over the room. I crawled over him with my naked body and picked them up and folded them into a stack and then crawled back over him with my naked body. Then I realized if I had to go to the bathroom, I would need underwear as they had moved since the time before and it was down the hall on a floor he shared with his parents. I crawled over him again and then back. Each time he felt my nakedness brush against him. I put the underwear under my pillow.

I was covered up when his mother walked into the room saying that they had just come back. She had an unhappy look on her face. It was years later that I realized why she was upset because Mike had set the bed up so that I could only climb over him to get to it. She did not want to have a gay son, and he was doing queer things again.

Shortly after she left, Mike asked me to go turn off the light which he had set up on the far side of the room (because he wanted to see me naked again). The problem was that I had not seen him naked yet. I wanted to see his body and dick. I said we could do it together. He said no and that he would and I watched his naked body with a swinging tool go turn the lights off.

I tried again to get Mike to spend the night with me. My family was going to my grandparents for the weekend and I was going to be left to take care of all the animals. It would be perfect. I asked him to spend the night. He said no. I threw a party after the Friday night rehearsal. I told him that I needed to talk to him about something private and to stay a bit. I tried to let him know that I wanted to try "69" with him. As the party ended, I begged him to stay and told him I would take him home. He said no, but Terry Johnson did stay. She was a girl who I thought was ugly and was trying to have sex with every boy she could. I was a virgin. I knew she would let me fuck her but I did not want to lose my virginity to her. It took some time, I got her home. I had given up on Mike and me.

During the Christmas break, I got money from my grandparents for Christmas. I decided to go to the movies. I called around to try and find someone to go to the movies with. Mike said he would go. I picked him up. He was different this trip. It was a long way to the movie house. Early in the conversation he talked about how all guys have sex with other guys when they are first learning. It is natural he told me. He was the aggressor this time. I was interested but we headed to the movie. After it was over, he started in again. He asked if I wanted to try. I said yes but where.

We started looking for a place to finally do this. I was so excited and nervous. Several places I went already had lovers parked. Finally, we found a place. I could see the lights of people's homes nearby but I wanted this so badly. Yet I was worried. I did not want to suck his dick and have him fuck me and then say take me home. I did not want him to label me gay and act as it was all me. I did not want everyone at school to know that I gave it up to him and he only took it to get relief. He had to be on equal footing here. I wanted it but I was afraid of what would be said.

Once the car was parked, I asked, "Do you want to make out or should we just start by sucking dick."

His answer was fateful, he said as he pulled down his jeans and underwear revealing his hard, seven-inch cock that was throbbing, "I want you to suck me."

I didn't want to do this first but I did. I started with the head and didn't know what I was doing. It was so big. No one had told me how. I had never seen a porn video. I did straight on at first and then the side of my mouth. I had read that sucking a guy's nuts made it feel good too. So, I took his sack in my mouth and played with it. I wanted to stroke his cock at the same time but in my mind, it said that is gay. (How much gayer could I have been-I was sucking on his dick and balls and worried that sliding my hand up and down his dick was going to make it gay).

I went back to taking his dick in my mouth. I didn't know what I was doing. Not knowing what more to do, I stopped. Pulled my pants down and revealed my erection. He quickly came over and took it in his mouth. It was pleasant but this virgin boy who had never masturbated in his life did not feel any juices rising from his balls and up his cock.

I thought about fucking Mike, but he had put his pants back on. I couldn't have sex if he had it covered. After he finished, I asked him how it was. He said, "Great." And then asked me.

I told him, "I guess I am not gay. It didn't do anything for me."

We went home. On Monday in class, Mike would not speak to me. I had broken the rule. He admitted to me that he was gay and I had not returned the admission. He was now vulnerable as he had admitted that he liked gay sex to me, and I didn't. I tried to get him to go with me after school and to fuck me. I wanted us to be friends still. I begged him. He would not. I asked him to take my cherry again and again. Nothing was ever the same again.

The events of that night had a major impact on my life. It changed it. A week later an old friend, Fred, wanted to have gay sex with me. I had tried to hit on him a few times, but after the week before, I was no longer interested.

I soon had a girlfriend. Within six weeks, I lost my virginity to her. It was out of this world sex. I had never felt anything like that. Of course, no one told me about the mess. I had never cum before except in wet dreams. My parents were gone again that weekend, and we did it on the sofa. There was so much cum. It covered a three foot by two-foot spot. I was so glad that I had not fucked Mike in my parent's car because there would have been so much cum, and it was fabric. There would have been stains. Fortunately, our couch was leather. The stains on the fabric under the two cushions my mother would never know about.

Mike and I never talked much more after that. I saw him a couple of times after I graduated. Years later, I heard that he had had AIDS and committed suicide before the end. If we had started out that night by kissing, we would have fucked. It would have changed my life. I would have realized how I felt. You see, sucking my cock is nice but it does not get me off. I like it but it does not make me shoot my load. I learned that later. It also kept me in the "straight" camp for years. I missed the AIDS epidemic. If Mike and I had fucked that night, I would have most likely ended up with AIDS too. It was just one of those things that changes your life.

Now the reason I write this is that there is a regret. I regret that Mike killed himself. He did it shortly before they came out with new drugs to control AIDS. I don't blame him. I am sure he saw many of his friends die an awful death, but I wanted him.

When I was ready for a man to take my cherry years later, I wanted it to be Mike. I wanted him to be the man that I fucked for the first time. I wanted his big dick in me and my big cock in him. I wanted us to be one together.

We recently had a class reunion and they had a wall of pictures of those of our class who had died upon it. There was Mike along with several other good friends, but I felt something for him that I never realized as I looked at it. I loved him. I longed for him. I wanted to make love to him. He was my first love and I never knew it.

Become a Patreon to support Taletopia!