Help Jake

Looking back I wish I would have seen the signs. We even had class lessons on it in Health. But I never once saw them. My best friend was in pain and I didn't even know. My lover was slowly dying right before my eyes. I remember all the times we hung out together, him not knowing that I loved him. Nights spent in each others rooms sleeping in the same bed as best buds but not as lovers. I silently kept my love for him secret, now I wish I hadn't. I guess I should start at the beginning. The beginning of this story.

Somewhere in a small town in the country, two young men or teenagers rather, were walking to school. These two had been best friends all their life. Leaning on the other for most of their problems. But for the last few days they had been apart. One had a saddened face, the other of worry.

"Jake, man what's wrong bud, you've been really down and all by yourself?" Wes asked his best friend of life.

"The family isn't doing very well, Uncle Joe's been admitted to the hospital. He's...he's not expected to live for more than a day or so." Ears fell from the young man's eye as he bowed his head. Uncle Joe had been one of the only people to treat Joe like he really mattered. Last night Jake had gone to visit his Uncle. The last thing Uncle Joe had told him before he left was "Jake, I want you to always remember I love you and, that you are my one light in this old world." They hugged the best they could, with Jake's Uncle hooked up with all kinds of machines.

"Oh man Jake, why didn't you call man I would have been there with you." Wes stated tears filling his eyes. He had known Joe ever since he had met Jake. His heart fell as he knew something more for Jake he didn't want to tell him but it needed to be done so he could save his best friend from some embarrassment later. "Jake, uh man I don't know really how to tell you this but, uh Coach told me that he uh he wouldn't be able to let you play this season." Jake looked up sharply at his friend. Hoping it was just a joke.

"Why?" Jake asked.

"Well he uh said it was due to you average being too low in English." Silence fell over them once again. When they walked on to the school grounds another friend came up to the to.

"Hi Jake! Hi Wes! Jake I want to let you know that I am sorry your Uncle isn't doing too well." Linda spoke softly.

"He's not expected to live Linda, he had a heart attack. They are saying his heart just isn't strong enough."

"Oh Jake I'm sorry, if there is anything that I can do just tell me okay?"

"Okay." Jake said as the separated for class. Classes went as they usually did. As Jake walked down to his last class of the day he felt worried. His last class was English with Mr. Hanks.

"Okay class settle down, now good afternoon, I have your book report that you all turned in to me last Friday. Sorry to say, most of the grades weren't very good. At the end of class you can come up and look at your grade and take the reports home to have them signed by your parents and then return them tomorrow at the beginning of class." The rest of class went one but Jake didn't really pay attention. When the final bell sounded he skipped practice and headed home. His heart heavy with pain from things going wrong.

When Jake arrived home every thing was silent. He knew something wasn't right, usually his parents were home, waiting on him, but not today. Climbing the stairs he enters his room to put his things away. Down stairs he hears the phone begin to ring. Rushing down stairs he picks of the phone.

"Hello?" He hears some sniffling on the other end.

"Jake this mom son, we are at the hospital, Jake Uncle Joe passed away a little while ago." Tears falling down his face.

"No, NO NOOOO!" He cries as he drops the phone. "Why, Why did you leave me Uncle Joe!? Why!!!??" He screams falling to the floor crying and curling up into a ball. His mother had heard him, and hung up on her end rushing to her husband telling him about Jake. Both rushing home to be with their only son.

The next day, Jake was just a shell. His mind was not on things at hand. Linda came up when she saw Jake. Rushing over knowing something was wrong she pulled him down into a chair.

"Jake..." as she looked into his eyes she knew what had happened. Pulling Jake into a hug Jake softly cried.

"He...he died...Linda he left me, he promised me he would leave me."

"I know Jake, I know." Linda told Jake he should go on home, and not to worry about school. Jake nodded and gave her one last hug and left. Wes was just a few feet away when Jake had spoken. He pulled Jake into a fierce embrace spilling tears as well. Jake sobbed into his best friends chest. Jake let go and rushed out of the school tears flowing freely. He ran and ran, not really knowing where he was going. It wasn't until he stopped in front of his family's church that he knew where he was going. Walking in he saw the Pastor talking with his secretary.

"Jake? Son what's wrong, why aren't you in school?" Jake had not know that his Pastor was performing the funeral for his Uncle.

"Uncle Joe left me, he promised me he would but he did...now I don't have anything to live for. I want to die, I just want to die." Jake cried as he fell to the floor. The pastor rushed over to him and embracing him.

"I know Jake, I know about Joe, I was asked to perform the funeral. Jake please don't say that you want to die, you do have things to live for, you just have to look." The held each other for a little while long then Jake stood and walked out.

It's been a couple of months and School was on break for the summer. Jake hadn't returned to church since his Uncle's death. He became quiet and with drawn. He would speak to his friend's and rarely to his parents. He had slowly given his belongings away to various people. It was now a bright sunny day and Jake had as yet not come down stairs. Wes and Linda were waiting for him today to go swimming as he promised during the one time he had spoken to them.

"Jake, Wes and Linda are here." She called up the stairs. But she didn't get an answer.

"Jake answer me!" She called again. Wes and Linda just looked at one another. Wes had come out to Linda and confessed his love for Jake the day before and planed on telling Jake today. Still no answer from upstairs. Jake's mother began to worry as Jake had never not answered her, in her heart she began to feel some fear. Trying to be come angry she yelled.

"Jake you better answer me young man, or I'll come up there and you'll be sorry young man." Still no answer. With every step her heart became more scared. Reaching Jake's bedroom door she knocked twice.

"Jake, you in there?" She received no answer so she tried the door, it was not locked, she opened the door with some panic filling up in her heart. There on the bed was Jake as if he was just sleeping.

"Jake, Jake honey you need to get up your friend's are here waiting for you." No sign of hearing her. She walked in with fear coursing through her body.

"Jake?" She tried shaking him a little but no response.

"Jake" she shook him harder no response.

"Jake" She shook him violently, tears beginning to fill her eyes.

"Jake...JAKE, JAKE ANSWER ME." No response. She reached with trembling fingers touched Jakes face. Cold. That is what she felt. Sobbing and crying. "JAKE NO JAKE NO NOT JAKE WHY WHY JAKE?" Shaking him even harder she knocks a note free from his closed hand. Reaching for the note she unfolds it and begins to read it.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I couldn't take the stress of the deaths and not being loved by the one I loved the most with all my heart. I am sorry Mom, please forgive me but I couldn't Live knowing Wes would never love me. I'm sorry for hurting you all. Now I am with Uncle Joe watching over you.

Love, Jake

I stood before the head stone of my lost love. Standing next to me is Marcus, my fiance. Holding each other with tears falling silently. Kneeling down I placed some deep red roses in the vase next to the head stone.

"Jake I want you to meet, Wes, I met him in college. We are getting married, next week but before I did I wanted to show him to you. I miss you Jake, I wish I hadn't been so stupid and scared to tell you how I felt. Your parents are doing good, they are sad but they adopted a gay child Jake, with hopes to help him become happy and to try to do for him what they failed with you. Linda is modeling like she always wanted. Me, I'm a Computer Programmer and teacher at the local high school. Well, Jake, it's time for me to go, it may be a while before I can visit again, but know you hold a very special part of my heart. I love you Jake, rest buddy, rest." I said as I rose.

"I'm sorry, Wes." Marcus said, "I know what he meant to you, I wish I had met him in life."

"I know, Marcus. One day you will meet him and we can be a family together." We turned and left the cemetery to live our lives with Jake's memory deep in our hearts.

This story is in my hopes to help you realize that, sometimes things get so bad and kids who are suffering with their sexuality do commit suicide because to them they see no way out. If you have a friend who is pulling away from you and is becoming more and more depressed and talking about death more, get him or her some help. Don't let Jake's death and message be in vain.

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written by wesm